What Narcissists and Psychopaths Know But you Don't
There is a borderline famous YouTube video known as 'Moonwalking Bear' in which the viewer is invited to count the number of passes the team in white executes in a brief clip.
Feel free to have a look - I will not spoil it for you.
Anyway to my point. Did you know that narcissists and psychopaths know something you don't? Of course you don't.
The thing they know is this: you are not looking for the deceptions they weave, therefore they get to weave them about you with impunity.
I met one recently. True story - this. But this person dropped me like a hot potato as soon as he'd worked out I was not susceptible to his persuasions. No doubt moving onto his next potential victim.
But isn't it worrying that we can be so taken in? Our apparent inability to not see what we don't know is, to my mind a freak of evolution. I suppose we are just wired to focus on what we believe or think is important because to not do so may result in social isolation, or the rest of the tribe judging us. We have to rely on trust - assuming it is a universal value, becasweu, well, in the 'tribe' it is. The penalties for breaking trust for our evolutionary forebearers would essentially be death by leopard.
Not 'Def-Leopard' I hasten to add, although I can now provide you with the mother of all segues: In 'Spinal Tap' (a spoof-movie about another heavy rock band) a character remarks about how there is 'Such a fine line between clever and stupid.' (or words to that effect).
You also may have heard of the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This suggests that people with reduced intellect think they are smarter than they are, whereas people of higher intellect assume they are less competent than they are:or, cognitive bias where low-competence individuals overestimate abilities, unaware of their limitations; high-competence individuals may underestimate theirs.
Shakespeare - as usual anticipated psychology:
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself a fool.:
I find this tendency to believe we've 'got it' worrying, everytime I think I've 'nailed' a skill, or 'got' an idea.
I wonder to myself: "Have I really 'got' this?"
I'm sure we can all point to a a politician, full of supreme self-confidence issuing advice and proclamations that would get many a professional who is less protected, either disbarred or suspended.
So perhaps we can add an unhealthy dollop of narcissism - even psychopathy to the brew.
(Just so you know: Narcissists crave admiration, lack empathy, and seek attention.
Psychopaths display manipulative behavior, impulsivity, and a lack of remorse or empathy.)
The lack of empathy is usually their undoing, because they don't care they tend to move on quite quickly once the 'game is up' they spend inordinate amounts of time convincing you they 'care', but usually the game gets 'up' when people realise they don't ...
On an emotional level, it is possible that we can make judgements about people (and politicians) that we 'don't like', and build a majorly monumental edifice of rationales after the event. Are we being stupid when we do that?
I started thinking about how we qualify ourselves as 'smart' or 'stupid', and I have come to some conclusions.
First - make a virtue of 'not knowing'. Don't be afraid of looking stupid. That is a form of stupidity in itself. Be prepared to ask, and ask for the information to be broken down so a seven-year old can understand it.
Above: Don't be afraid of looking stupid:
Second - Be prepared to admit you 'don't know' some stuff. Save yourself considerable time and effort by getting to know people who do know - and who are willing to do stuff for you. Yes, even if it means paying them.
Third - Get informed. Go through your list of friends and acquaintances and select five people you look up to, and covertly schedule a monthly meeting with them to pick their brains. Call them your 'Brains Trust' - and buy them a coffee so you can ask them for their insights. By the way, do not sabotage your pilgrimage to smartness by choosing your unemployed friend for career advice, your divorced friend for relationship advice ... you get the picture. Choose wisely.
Fourth use your lack of knowledge as a means to explore and discover, rather that as a limitation. Many a marketer has engaged in 'A-B' advertising - it's a way to evaluate data. You put out two slightly differently worded posts to see which gets the most attention. This is smart. Admitting you honestly don't know - you can only find out.
Fifth understand that you don't know what you don't know. Look at this:
I've shown it before here. The 'Uninformed Optimism' stage (AKA The Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Tread Phase) is universal. It is as if you have to accept that mistakes will be made. The acceptance of this is what smart people do.
This applies to a range of life's struggles. Falling in love: or investing in stocks.
"When investing, pessimism is your friend, euphoria the enemy," says Warren Buffett. He might have said the same about vetting a potential partner.
Fifth: Develop empathy. The mental exercise of seeing things from another's viewpoint may provide you with undreamed of perspectives. If you would like me to boil all of my advice into one nice package, I guess it is:
"If you wish to be truly successful Don't be a narcissist or a psychopath".
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