On Unrequited Love...
What happens when a monk and a nun – both having taken a vow of chastity, fall in love with each other, and correspond for years?
All who are about me admire my virtue, but could their eyes penetrate, into my heart what would they not discover? My passions there are in rebellion; I preside over others but cannot rule myself. I have a false covering, and this seeming virtue is a real vice. Men judge me praiseworthy, but I am guilty before God; (Abelard)
In
this medieval tapestry of love and intellect, Abelard and Heloise stand as a
unique testament to the complexities of romance constrained.
Their
chaste love affair, sustained through letters and marked by unfulfilled
desires, invites us to delve into the psychological nuances of how unrequited
attraction can transform into fixation and obsession.
love me as your mistress, cherish
me as your child, your sister, your wife! Remember I still love you, and yet
strive to avoid loving you. What a terrible saying is this! I shake with
horror, and my heart revolts against what I say. I shall blot all my paper with
tears. I end my long letter wishing you, if you desire it (would to Heaven I
could!), for ever adieu! (Heloise)
In
pondering Abelard and Heloise's story, aspects of Freud's theories come alive.
The thwarting of instinctual desires, as experienced by the couple in the face
of societal and religious restrictions, emerged in part, as a fixation.
Freud’s
view was that the unconscious mind may have cling to the unattainable,
intensifying their emotional connection in ways both profound and intricate.
And then there is totally ‘unrequited’ love. W.B. Yeats, the
revered Irish poet, harboured an enduring and unrequited love for Maude Gonne,
an Irish revolutionary and actress. Gonne, became the muse for many of Yeats's
poems.
He
Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
Had I the
heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought
with golden and silver light,
The blue and
the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and
light and the half-light,
I would
spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being
poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread
my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly
because you tread on my dreams. (W.B. Yeats)
Despite Yeats's persistent proposals, Gonne remained steadfast
in rejecting his advances. Their complex relationship wove its way through
decades, inspiring some of Yeats's most poignant and reflective verses. The
unattainable Gonne remained a haunting spectre in Yeats's life, shaping his
poetry and contributing to the profound exploration of love, longing, and the
passage of time.
How
does this happen, people?
Drawing
from contemporary neuroscience. The neurotransmitter dopamine, known for its
role in anticipation, pleasure and reward, is a key player.
In
the absence of physical consummation, the anticipation and longing embedded in
their written exchanges might have triggered dopamine release, reinforcing the
emotional bond between Abelard and Heloise.
This
has implications for the concept of neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to
reorganize itself. Over time, the neural pathways associated with their
unfulfilled attraction may have strengthened, creating a cognitive and
emotional loop that sustained the intensity of their connection.
But when love has once been sincere
how difficult it is to determine to love no more! ’Tis a thousand times more
easy to renounce the world than love. I hate this deceitful, faithless world; I
think no more of it; but my wandering heart still eternally seeks you, and is
filled with anguish at having lost you, in spite of all the powers of my
reason. (Abelard)
As
we unravel Abelard and Heloise's love story, and consider Yeats, we find a
captivating interplay between conscious desires and self-imposed constraints.
Their non-physical relationship is a vivid illustration of how the human psyche
grapples with unfulfilled longings, transforming them into enduring fixations
that echo through the corridors of time.
#motivation
#lifecoaching #Life coach #personaldevelopment #success
https://www.con-telegraph.ie/2021/02/10/irelands-most-famous-unrequited-love-story/
https://ornaross.com/from-orna/wb-yeats-poems-inspired-by-maud-gonne/
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